Understanding Child Behaviors and Healing Your Inner Child

As we all continue or start our healing journey, we may uncover habits, mindsets, and attitudes towards things we carry into our adult years from our childhood. Our childhood. Some of the most critical times to have a deep impact on who we become. To heal those parts of us, our inner child, it is important to understand how it all started.

Kiera Williams, MSW, Qualified Mental Health Professional, specializes in the behaviors of children, why they occur, and how to shape them for the better.

Dr. Karyn Purvis said, "When you connect to the heart of a child, everything is possible." It's a sentiment that resonates deeply, especially considering nearly 20% of children and young people in the United States face mental, emotional, developmental, or behavioral challenges (Source).

The importance of paying attention to a child's behavior cannot be overstated, for the benefit of understanding a child's needs and healing our inner child for both to thrive.

 

So, Kiera, tell us about yourself. How did you get to this point? What was your journey like?

I am just a regular person like anyone else; I just have a passion for working with youth with complex needs. I have always enjoyed working with children since I was a teenager. I majored in criminal justice during undergrad, and my goal at that time was to become a juvenile probation officer. I realized that I did not want to go that route because I did not want a huge caseload that would impact the effort I could give to each child. I ended up working at a therapeutic day school when my daughter was about 2 years old. I wanted a job where she would not have to be in daycare until late in the evening and where I would still have weekends and breaks. Then, I fell in love with the kids that I worked with! It was definitely a hard population to work with, and it was not a job for everyone, but I felt like God called me there for a reason. Once I graduated with my MSW, I knew I wanted a job where I was able to help some of those same types of children but also work with the family. I knew what I wanted in a job but was curious to know if the job actually existed. It was nothing but God that led me to my current position. I am able to work with families and work with kids in a much more impactful way. I am currently a Care Coordinator doing case management work for a new program called Pathways to Success through the health department. 

 

Where did your passion for studying children and their behavior come from?

This might sound corny, but children are the future. They are also a very vulnerable population that people tend to take advantage of, which impacts society as a whole. I just want to help teach them how to advocate for themselves and equip them with the necessary tools for success.

 

Getting into behaviors, let’s start with adults. What are some tactics you would recommend to a parent to better understand their children's behaviors?

Firstly, I would recommend parents think about the why before punishing children for behaviors. Also, to think about how their behaviors impact their child’s behavior and mindset. I think parents should analyze their own feelings and why they feel the way they feel when their child behaves in a certain way. Those feelings are likely tied to the way they were raised and treated, along with what they felt worked and did not work. Also, understand their child’s love language along with their own to see how they can work together and nurture both sides. 

 

Let’s talk about adults. How do you think adults can dive into understanding their past behaviors growing up and how they play out in their adult lives?

Understanding past behaviors as children requires open conversations and introspection. Talking about one's childhood experiences and engaging in conversations with parents will help them figure out the roots of their behavior patterns.

 

What would you consider good ways to cope with and heal childhood behaviors and trauma? Essentially, to break generational curses.

To cope with and heal childhood trauma, I think being open to therapy is one of the best ways. It will help an individual develop coping skills that work for them and their life situations. People should also look into different forms of discipline and doing research into the different ways to help with healing. There’s no one size that fits all and it truly is a learning experience. You give something a try until you feel like it works for you. There are so many different resources out there such as parenting classes, trainings, books, podcasts, etc. As always, take what you need from them, and leave the rest. 

 

What does healing mean, look like, and feel like to you?

I do not think anyone will ever be fully healed because we constantly go through things in life that cause trauma. Healing is also not linear. You can heal in one area and then realize there is another area you need to work on. What I do recommend is not to make healing your entire focus either, because it can become exhausting mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Sometimes we have to just live in the moment and take things for what they are. But healing feels like freedom and peace.

 

Kiera’s insightful and kind words bring in wisdom many of us have yet to experience for ourselves. By learning to embrace the challenge of introspection, empathy, and steps toward healing and understanding behaviors, we empower both ourselves and the younger generations to come while breaking generational curses and habits that have become normalized. As mentioned, healing is not linear, and it is an everyday thing we will continue to experience. One of the many keys to continuing your journey is to reflect on the “why” before reacting and moving forward. “Why am I responding this way?” “Why does this situation bring in negative emotions?” Self-discovery and healing are complex but beautiful journeys we hope you continue to nurture for yourself and for those who look up to you.